Good Old Funky Music

Dear friends, the Weisenheimer and I have been married for nearly 17 years now, and we're entering a delicate negotiation in our relationship. It involves a lot of talk, quite a bit of argument, and a considerable amount of dancing. We're talking about compiling our top 100 tracks lists.

100 tracks fills up quickly. The first question is what genres are included. We agreed no classical and no Christmas. Which saves us arguing over movie music like John Williams and Gustav Holst, or filling up 75 slots with Johann Sebastian Bach and another 75 with Russian composers (Sweetie only) and using up slots on the entire Julie Andrews Firestone Christmas album, and deciding which version of Carol of the Bells (Leonard Bernstein or Trans-Siberian Orchestra?) and whether to include the little drummer boy duet with Bing Crosby and David Bowie.

We also decided vocals only. This cut deep. On the one hand, it means none of the Weisenheimer's Miles Davis, hooray. (I realize I just lost the respect of many of our friends, most of whom have excellent taste). But it's a trade-off, so it's fair - it also means none of my bluegrass guitar and fiddle. (I realize I just lost the respect of even more of our friends, most of whom have excellent taste). And no Bach chorales on the pipe organ. (I realize I just redeemed myself with a vanishingly small group of friends who are current- and ex-Lutherans, with no accounting for taste).

We're trying to decide what the right number is. Maybe we should do 250 or 500 tracks. I mean, with only 100 slots, half of those could be taken up by Ray Charles. Maybe certain artists can just be given one spot for their whole library...like Ray, Elvis, Beatles, Temptations, Ella Fitzgerald. Or maybe whole albums could get one spot, like Sgt. Peppers or Dark Side of the Moon or Eliminator or Achtung Baby or Pearl or Thriller or Purple Rain or Born to Run or Physical Graffiti or Folsom Prison or Dixie Chicken or Goodbye Yellow Brick Road or Absolute Torch and Twang or Avalon or Blood on the Tracks or Grease or Darkness on the Edge of Town or Document or Girls Go Wild or Heartattack and Vine or How Will The Wolf Survive or Once Upon A Time or Monty Python Sings. And once we get through our top artists and albums, how do we make sure we have a slot for Eli's Coming? This isn't going to be easy....

The Weisenheimer asked what happens if our individual top 100 lists turn out to be exactly the same. I replied that in that case, we've become hopelessly boring and need to go to our threesome lists to spice things up. He can invite Salma Hayek if I get to invite Terri Weagant.

I asked what happens if we have to get divorced after sharing our top 100 lists with each other. And the Wisey replied, in that case, let's run away and elope this time. OK! 

I see real potential in this exercise for taking our relationship to the next level. For years we've argued about the best and worst US presidents. All the Weisenheimer has to do is say "Lyndon B. Johnson" and I get all riled up and the only way we can resolve it is to go to bed. With any luck this list will work the same way.

Should be fun, Wisey. The beat goes on.